"Just Dark Joanna"

I almost always can find a reason to smile :-) but this one night I really could not.
This is gonna be BIG.Ready?!?
It was exactly 10 months ago: 31.12.2014...Yeah ...New Years Eve...
I decided to spend the " special" night with a guy, I just started dating.
Don't even know it was dating.We started "something".
Let's call him Mr .X ...how original...:-)

Anyway, skipping the night, we had fun ...bla-bla-bla...time to go home.
Mr.X and I were travelling in London at 3 am for Location 1 to location 2, when...
Well, it's NYE...too much of everything...:-(
He went crazy...not to say his behaviour was outrageous ...!
Neighbours called the police and before I know it I AM PART of this situation:

Six policemen are restraining Mr. X on the ground, while He is screaming, crying and Fighting back. Me? Well, I was lying on that pavement next to him and was crying and Begging him to calm down and stop fighting back before they actually gonna break his bones.
Of course, there was no way on earth, Mr X would listen to anything in the state he was...

Before I know it, next thing I see , is how Mr.X 's face is smashed on the pavement, blood...
It's raining... ( almost like a scene from a movie itself).
It was horrible, terrifying and traumatic.The worst of all for me -was, that I felt so helpless.
I want to help, I wanted to do SOMETHING, but I couldn't do ANYTHING!
And you really don't have to love the guy or care that much, I think....if you just human being with a heart inside ( like me) you will be shaken massively....by what I saw that night .I actually liked Mr.X Maybe that's why being helpless was an absolute THE worst feeling in the world.

If I could switch the place with Mr.X and be that person with that smashed face on the pavement, I would ! Any minute...crazy but The state I was in that moment was unbearable.
So what happens next ?
The police is taking Mr. X in the police car and...Me?
I stayed in that very same place on the ground sitting for more than an hour at 3 am ...1st of January 2014 and could not peeled myself off the ground, I literally could not move...

Ok, Why I am telling you all this? Here we go! BIG connection to my acting work...
I had 2 thought in my head :
First one...more general...How the fuck I get here....I mean HOW?!?

And more important...:
And second one....My acting brain forced me to register everything:
How I breathe, what I see, what I hear, what I feel, how fast my heart goes..
Everything... I was shaking, physically shaking.
There was a voice that was saying:
Joanna, Remember it all, YOU will USE it in future in the film, Register every single detail...
Acting process can mess you up for good.For life. That's right.
In THAT dramatic situation, I could not help, but wonder ...how I can use it in my acting...PART OF the process - That was not my choice.

And NOW 10 months later I am getting a script, a lead female role with such a similar SCENE
To play...Just change London to Goa, Mr.X to Nicholas Cage and left me where I was...
And we are having Bolly- Hollywood film...
How fucking unpredictable life can be, Huh?
Very.But I knew this is going to happened, 10 months ago ...somehow I really did.

The next day, I heard big apology from Mr. X ( as I should) and a promise, that one day we will talk about what that night was for me...
We actually never got to it.So here we go.
I never shared this story -the way I did now with you all and Now..well -it's a history -as part of my blog.

On a different note to finish off...
Friends are asking me what are my plans for this New Year's ?
And somehow I am very reluctant to do something at all.
I can't help but wonder ....huh, Maybe I should stay at home and go to sleep?

As I really don't fancy going to police station on January 1st ...in 2015 as well!

Stay safe! It's crazy world out there, with lots of crazies!
As Duncan ( my good friend) says, LoVE and Light!


Ps.Pictures ( Stills) to this Blog comes from films, where I played very dark characters,
Messed- up people...as we all have " that dark" part in us...